Dodger fans, the train is now officially off the tracks. This is not a good team, and it is not going to get much better. I squint a lot watching games trying to conjure up the 2017 team but alas even blurry vision won´t help. Corey Seager´s injury is almost insurmountable for a team which lacks consistent starting pitching, a reliable bullpen, and a dynamic offensive lineup. What is wrong?

Kenley Jansen is not Kenley Jansen. The real Kenley Jansen that we have grown to love is not there, and he has been lost since the World Series. He doesn’t look the same. As much as he says that he has not lost his confidence, I beg to differ. He is about 3 mph slower this year than last. His control is suspect, and he has thrown a lot of uncharacteristically bad mistake pitches that seem to sit and spin.

Clayton Kershaw is not Clayton Kershaw. I hate to even whisper this … but … Kershaw is hittable. Seriously avoid saying that amongst mixed company. His velocity is down, and I don´t know why. Many are saying that he is now older/smarter and is becoming more of a location pitcher who no longer relies on the heat. When did this happen? Can he no longer effectively pitch inside? When did he transition from a perennial Cy Young, strikeout dominator to become a John Tudor-esque shadow nibbling on corners? His last outing against the Marlins was painful and could have been the worst that I have seen him pitch – lack of control, velocity down, yuck.

The bad news is that Kershaw has an opt-out clause at the end of this season. The good news – sort of – is that with his un-Kershaw-like season thus far, he may have a difficult time finding another suitor willing to give him a better deal. (Photo credit – David Dennis)

Corey Seager (hear me openly weep). The rumor persisted last year that something was wrong with his arm. Now we know. Insert that classic Roberts speech about how they all have to step up and pull together. That is great, but I have already heard that speech this year with Turner´s departure. The troops didn’t rally. There is no replacing a 5.9 WAR unless your name is Machado, but this Dodger front office isn’t going to make that move. It is not their style. Start practicing how to pronounce “Adeiny” because that is the sort of replacement they are likely to get. 

Our Bullpen is full of Bull. This one hurts the most. Here we have a classic case of being penny-wise and pound-foolish to get under the luxury tax. Both Brandon Morrow and Tony Watson are having great years so far. No, … let’s just say Brandon Morrow is lights-out with a sparkling 0.00 ERA, 9 Ks and 7 saves in 10 innings with the Cubs. Watson is having a good season too. He has given up a few hits, but his ERA is also under 1.00, 15 Ks in almost 14 innings, and the Giants are using him like a left-handed, rented mule. They both would have made nice experienced additions to a Dodger bullpen, but relievers today are a dime a dozen, right?

Upps – Alexander is now eating hot dogs in OKC, Pedro Baez is doing cartwheel balks on the mound when he is not giving up dingers, Cingrani has a dead arm because, well, he was the only poor schmuck who could consistently get batters out, and I don´t want to explain anymore (insert uncontrollable weeping). How did the Dodgers go from having one of the best bullpens to one of the worst so quickly?

Seriously?
(Video capture courtesy of SportsNet LA)

No bats in the belfry. Last year the Dodgers were always in reach of winning any game. I seem to remember an incredible ability to come back at any point no matter how many runs behind. It was fun! Do you remember the good old days before Game 7? Now if they get up by a few runs, I have that little evil voice in the back of my head telling me that they are going to find a way to lose. See the previous section – sheepishly open the bullpen door, allow a reliever to enter, and then duck. So, Taylor and Barnes have turned into pumpkins, Puig and Forsythe are batting below the Mendoza line (and hurt to boot), and Utley is now an everyday guy(?). If it weren’t for Kemp and Grandal, I shudder to think where they could be in the standings. We could be behind the hapless Giants!  Upps.    

So, yes, I am inconsolably snarky now floating between bouts of rage and uncontrollable weeping. I keep clicking the heels of my ruby red shoes together, but I can’t seem to go home to 2017. If I am wrong and just spoiled with last year’s effort, tell me so. I want to be wrong. If you still have hope springing eternal, please share it here. I promise. I will only chuckle in private.